Saturday, September 26, 2009

Freedom in Christ

I wish I could take a vacation from life. I don’t mean that I am contemplating suicide, or that I need to relax on a sunny beach in Hawaii (although that would be nice). What I mean is I need a break from this forever continued battle going on within myself. I know that as a Christian the Devil continues to tempt me to stray from the beautiful God who created me. He feeds me with lies, and all around me I see the Devil’s presence. I see him tearing apart my family with the tactic of division and depression. I see him feeding me lies of image crisis through television, movies, and magazine ads. I see him tempting me to succumb to the submission of my own physical desires that are undoubtedly bad for me. I see him in society, and I see him in the selfishness that is embodied in every human being I know, especially in myself.


I see the Devil as a cigarette. He is like that one cigarette that you smoke just for the fun of it. It’s a little rough the first time but gives you a temporary high, and you look cool while doing it. But one is just not good enough. You have to smoke one again, even if it is just for another moment of fun or relaxation. But sooner or later you just keep smoking one after one, until your body craves the intoxicating ingredients in that one little stick of joy. Finally, you are addicted. But the real catch is, with every cigarette you inhale, your body is hurt. So while you are enjoying physical pleasure, that is only temporary, your body is suffering immensely. Sin is like that process. We are so prone to sin, that our body craves it, but we hurt every time sin is dabbled into. The Devil relishes in this weakness of ours.


I am tired of fighting, but mostly I am tired of loosing. I feel like I am living that moment in every super hero movie where the villain is kicking the butt of the hero, and the whole time you’re thinking, “Come on Hero it’s your job to win, you are supposed to win, you were meant to be stronger.” I am waiting for that final snap when the hero suddenly gets an extra boost of strength, and turns around and kicks the villain’s ass with one final blow.


While I hate the Devil with a passion, and I hate loosing to him, I hate the effect it has on God and my relationship with God. I know that God is testing me with every battle I have with the Devil, but I feel like I always fail His tests. Does God ever wonder, “Do you love me enough to resist this one temptation, this one time?” I feel like there is no hope, I will never show God how I truly love Him, and my love will never be good enough for God.


But that is the beauty of it all. No matter what we do, or have done, God loves us despite it all. His grace covers His loved ones, and He realizes that we are weak. But it is in our weakness, and our recognition of our need for Him, that we find a true freedom. I used to have a difficult time understanding the paradox of becoming a slave to God, but finding the ultimate freedom. How is being a slave supposed to help me obtain true freedom?


Galatians 3 talks about how because of Christ’s death on the cross, we are no longer under the curse of the law. I think the biggest lie the Devil tells me is that I am not truly saved or loved by God because I have committed too many sins, even as a supposed Christian. But the great thing is that when I ask for forgiveness, I get it. God, in his mind boggling mercy, forgives this great sinner, and loves me nevertheless.


So my final blow to the ultimate villain, the Devil, is reminding myself that I am free in Christ when I have faith in the one who sacrificed it all. Although I will never on earth be able to reach that fulfilling satisfaction of being perfect for God, I can be at peace knowing that God accepts me the way I am, and loves me with a love I will never fully comprehend.


Galatians 3:1-4

“For the meaning of Jesus Christ’s death was made as clear to you as if you had seen a picture of his death on the cross. Let me ask you this one question: Did you receive the Holy Spirit by obeying the law of Moses? Of course not! How foolish can you be? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort? Have you experienced so much for nothing? Surely it was not in vain, was it?”

Galatians 3:22

“But the Scriptures declare that we are all prisoners of sin, so we receive God’s promise of freedom only by believing in Jesus Christ

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

A Conversation of the Heart

A Conversation of the Heart


I ask you what your heart consists of…
I immediately see myself being taken up into the sky and placed at your side
With delight you show me the beautiful wonders of the world:
The Himalayas, the Alps, the tropics, Mount Kilimanjaro, Victoria Falls, the Eifel Tower,
You see that my face is filled with delight, and awe, but you say “That is not even the best part,”
You begin to show me that these extravagant places are surrounded by people.
You point out a mother and child laughing together in their front yard, you show me a man painting a masterpiece in his gallery in Italy.
You show me newlyweds kissing underneath a tree in South Korea.
You show me a boy in Germany smiling over a satisfactory grade on an exam
You show me a grandmother being told that she no longer has breast cancer
Your face shows cheer just like each person you reveal to me…
However, your eyes begin to tear when you show me what is next,
A sister and brother, barely clothed, in Zimbabwe cuddled next to each other during a rain storm
You show me a leper in India, sitting alone in a dark, filthy room
You show me a mother who just found out her new baby boy will not make it through the next day
You show me a teenage girl standing in front of a mirror in tears, for she’s not a virgin anymore
You show me a recent prisoner in China; for his only fault was revealing who You are
You tell me, “For I have come to give life, and life to its fullest, I am the way the truth and the life, now go and tell the world, my heart, that I have life for them, eternal life.”

-God what can I give to your world?
You can give them me!
-How do I do that?
By following my lead! Trust me!

-God use me!
I am! I will! I have!
-God forgive me for straying away from you and your will
I forgive you, and I love you!
-I hold on to your words God, for they are indescribable and peaceful
I adore you!
-I love you God!
You fill me with delight, and awe!
-I am not worthy of your love!
You are my love!
-You are love!
I am!

Relationships :(

Hello viewers. I feel as though my recent struggles are often lessons that I am being taught. However, sometimes, often times, I need to be taught certain lessons over again. This blog was written over a year ago, but for me, it is presently applicable...

"Do we need people?
Relationships of all kind can be difficult, troublesome, rewarding, beautiful, and heart throbbing, all at the same time. When I reflect on my life, confrontation, disagreements, and arguments can and often are the key ingredient to the stress or confusion I obtain. Arguments amongst employees often lead to job termination or probation; broken dating relationships also occur because of a disagreement or a drifting of love. I am sure I am not the only one who has thought that my world would run smoother if I was not bothered by people, or at least people that I’m not compatible with. There is a common belief that we as humans do not need certain relationships or relationships at all. Yes, we may want a friendship, but we don’t need them, or do we?
This summer has been one of the hardest seasons of my life. It all began the day I left Liberty to come home. I am not returning to Liberty in the fall, and that day was the last time I would see many of the people I had grown to love while at college. I left, driving in tears because I knew that my friendships there were ending, yes, we would keep in touch, but the intimacy would be different or nonexistent. However, the worse part of that drive home, or even that day had nothing to do with my absence at Liberty but instead my mom’s health. A couple weeks before my departure from school my mom found a lump in her breast, and the doctor’s were not sure whether it was a calcium deposit or a cancerous tumor. The day I left was the day my mom found out which one it was. I was about half way home, and I got the worse phone call I’ve ever had. It was my mom, in tears, the lump was cancerous. Instead of arriving home to a peaceful household, I arrived with tears of my own, and of my family’s. At that point we didn’t even know if the cancer was fatal, or fixable, just that it was there.
The days and weeks following that day were an emotional rollercoaster. There were many appointments, many phone calls from relatives, and many repeated updates on the status of my mom’s cancer. I actually dreaded the question: how is your mom doing? I was angry, hurt, saddened, and lonely. My sisters live in Massachusetts, therefore, the first couple of weeks of knowing about the cancer were dealt with in their absence, but I had never needed them more. My old friends had their own new group of friends, and were also still in school, or working. I spent those first three weeks of summer, at home, in bed, or in front of the television. I was by myself dealing with the worse situation of my life. I was giving my energy to being strong for my mom and dad, but I needed someone to be strong for me, and there was no one. My mom found out that she had to have a lumpectomy, to remove the cancerous tumor.
It was now time for the surgery, and I would not be by myself any longer. My sisters and their husbands and children came into town, my aunt came to stay with us from West Virginia, and relatives and friends were constantly visiting before and after the surgery. We had ten people staying at my house for about two weeks and it was sheer chaos. My mom’s surgery day was spent in the hospital waiting room with all my aunts, my sisters, and my dad. My poor dad was the only male there that day. The surgery went smoothly, and they were able to remove all of the cancerous cells. The only downfall was that my mom had to have thirty treatments of radiation.
After the whole experience, I was very thankful for my mom’s health and healing, and I was very appreciative of all the support from my family and distant family. However, I kept this bitterness even after the ordeal. The bitterness came from those three weeks where I had no one to run to. I was angry with my friends for not being there, and I was angry that I felt as though they still weren’t. The one time in my life where I really needed them, they were absent. I had a few friends who were really there for me, I even had one of my best girl friends from school come and stay with me for a couple of days. But I was never so surprised by the people who weren’t there for me. Unfortunately, I began isolating myself even more from my relationships, and from people who had let me down.
The past couple of months I have dwelled in this bitterness and anger at people I expected to help me through that time in my life. My relationship with God has even suffered because I haven’t been able to let it go, and forgive. Of course God would not let me get away with being angry and unforgiving. I began reading this book called Captivating. I was nearing the end of the book, when it brought up the subject of relationships. There was a passage from the book that slapped me in my face in and in my pride:

“Satan knew that to take out Adam, all he had to do was take out Eve. It worked rather well, and he has not abandoned the basic plan ever since. Your place in the world as God’s heart for relationships is vital. All the enemy has to do to destroy people’s lives is to get them isolated, a lamb separated from the flock. He makes a woman feel like ‘What do I have to offer, really? They’re probably doing fine.’ Do not believe it for a moment. You have been sent by the Trinity on behalf of love, of relationships. Fight for them…The fellowship of Christ is messy because it, too, is opposed. And here you have an irreplaceable role to play.”


The passage couldn’t have been timelier or more correct. I had indeed isolated myself from others, minus a few. I began to feel lonely, unimportant, indifferent, and without a purpose. I felt dry. After reading that passage I realized what had happened. I took a small expectation in life that was not met, and I blamed others for it. I drew back from relationships and busied myself with work, reading, and preparation for my mission trip to India. I didn’t need people in my life to get what I wanted, or to feel meaningful. But I did, I needed those relationships.
After God revealed to me my sin, I knew I had to change. I started going to a bible study for college students, I spent more time with my parents, especially my mom. I began to hang out with my friends more and I talked to people more, even at work. My days were getting brighter, and it’s ironic but I began to see the importance of relationships. If God wanted to fill the earth with one person, he would have. But no, He filled it with many, very many.
God places people in our lives for a reason. I was reading the other day a blog on the website of a mission team in India right now. I will be doing the same things they are doing when I am in India, so I wanted to find out what those things are. I was surprised when I found out I wouldn’t be building a church, or an orphanage or a water supply system. I won’t be feeding the hungry, or healing the sick. I won’t be teaching them education but I will be spending “quality time” with orphans, lepers, and homeless citizens of New Delhi, India. For some reason I was mad, how was I going to explain to potential financial supporters that all I would be doing is building relationships with people. Just as soon as that thought came to my mind God interrupted. I felt as though He was saying, “Jordan, we have talked about this already. There is a great importance when it comes to relationships.”
God painted a picture in my mind to help me fully grasp the purpose of going to India. Who are the people I will be reaching? I will be “building relationships” with the outcasts of India; the Dalits, the orphans, the lepers, the poor. These people live in a Caste System that forces them to believe they were meant to live a life of poor quality and unimportance. The Dalits aren’t even allowed to walk on public streets, visit public areas, or talk to others out of their group. Their vocations include grave digging, picking up trash, cleaning toilets and such, you get the idea. They are to believe that the reason for their way of life is due to a great sin they committed in a previous life. Can you imagine how lonely and useless these people feel? How about orphans? They have no family, no money, and no one person to attend to their needs. They are but a number labeled to the large group of children they live with. Their needs are met, but in the masses. There is no quality time spent to grow an orphan in their individual talents, desires or strengths. What of the lepers? Lepers spend their days in colonies with other lepers, and they are not to be visited by outsiders. Once again, their sickness of leprosy is believed to be a punishment of some kind. Some of the Christian lepers are even forced to worship other gods in order to receive their daily food intake. God says that he has given us life, and life to the fullest and that is what God wants me to do. He wants me to build relationships with people not to further their understanding of education, or even life, but just to love them and better their quality of living.


My point in sharing all of this is to explain the purpose of fighting for relationships, for building them and maintaining them. God reveals himself sometimes through others, and uses people to fulfill His great master plan. So often we take for granted the relationships we have; friendships, sisterhood, brotherhood, fathers, mothers, employees. There are millions of people around the world who are forbidden the pleasures and privileges of relationships. God’s love is present when we love others. When we love people, we are showing our love to God and revealing God’s love to those who need Him. God is telling me to put down my pride, and get along with those around me, but not only get along but love them. God uses people to keep us accountable, to comfort each other, to help and support one another, and to have fun.
When people hurt you, let you down, or reject you, don’t give up. Maybe they are needing you, and just simply don’t know how to tell you. Relationships are opposed because God uses them for a great purpose, and Satan hates them. Don’t let the devil gain a foothold in your life by ruining your relationships. Forgive, and love! So, yes, we as individuals need people, and they need us! "