Relationships :(

Hello viewers. I feel as though my recent struggles are often lessons that I am being taught. However, sometimes, often times, I need to be taught certain lessons over again. This blog was written over a year ago, but for me, it is presently applicable...

"Do we need people?
Relationships of all kind can be difficult, troublesome, rewarding, beautiful, and heart throbbing, all at the same time. When I reflect on my life, confrontation, disagreements, and arguments can and often are the key ingredient to the stress or confusion I obtain. Arguments amongst employees often lead to job termination or probation; broken dating relationships also occur because of a disagreement or a drifting of love. I am sure I am not the only one who has thought that my world would run smoother if I was not bothered by people, or at least people that I’m not compatible with. There is a common belief that we as humans do not need certain relationships or relationships at all. Yes, we may want a friendship, but we don’t need them, or do we?
This summer has been one of the hardest seasons of my life. It all began the day I left Liberty to come home. I am not returning to Liberty in the fall, and that day was the last time I would see many of the people I had grown to love while at college. I left, driving in tears because I knew that my friendships there were ending, yes, we would keep in touch, but the intimacy would be different or nonexistent. However, the worse part of that drive home, or even that day had nothing to do with my absence at Liberty but instead my mom’s health. A couple weeks before my departure from school my mom found a lump in her breast, and the doctor’s were not sure whether it was a calcium deposit or a cancerous tumor. The day I left was the day my mom found out which one it was. I was about half way home, and I got the worse phone call I’ve ever had. It was my mom, in tears, the lump was cancerous. Instead of arriving home to a peaceful household, I arrived with tears of my own, and of my family’s. At that point we didn’t even know if the cancer was fatal, or fixable, just that it was there.
The days and weeks following that day were an emotional rollercoaster. There were many appointments, many phone calls from relatives, and many repeated updates on the status of my mom’s cancer. I actually dreaded the question: how is your mom doing? I was angry, hurt, saddened, and lonely. My sisters live in Massachusetts, therefore, the first couple of weeks of knowing about the cancer were dealt with in their absence, but I had never needed them more. My old friends had their own new group of friends, and were also still in school, or working. I spent those first three weeks of summer, at home, in bed, or in front of the television. I was by myself dealing with the worse situation of my life. I was giving my energy to being strong for my mom and dad, but I needed someone to be strong for me, and there was no one. My mom found out that she had to have a lumpectomy, to remove the cancerous tumor.
It was now time for the surgery, and I would not be by myself any longer. My sisters and their husbands and children came into town, my aunt came to stay with us from West Virginia, and relatives and friends were constantly visiting before and after the surgery. We had ten people staying at my house for about two weeks and it was sheer chaos. My mom’s surgery day was spent in the hospital waiting room with all my aunts, my sisters, and my dad. My poor dad was the only male there that day. The surgery went smoothly, and they were able to remove all of the cancerous cells. The only downfall was that my mom had to have thirty treatments of radiation.
After the whole experience, I was very thankful for my mom’s health and healing, and I was very appreciative of all the support from my family and distant family. However, I kept this bitterness even after the ordeal. The bitterness came from those three weeks where I had no one to run to. I was angry with my friends for not being there, and I was angry that I felt as though they still weren’t. The one time in my life where I really needed them, they were absent. I had a few friends who were really there for me, I even had one of my best girl friends from school come and stay with me for a couple of days. But I was never so surprised by the people who weren’t there for me. Unfortunately, I began isolating myself even more from my relationships, and from people who had let me down.
The past couple of months I have dwelled in this bitterness and anger at people I expected to help me through that time in my life. My relationship with God has even suffered because I haven’t been able to let it go, and forgive. Of course God would not let me get away with being angry and unforgiving. I began reading this book called Captivating. I was nearing the end of the book, when it brought up the subject of relationships. There was a passage from the book that slapped me in my face in and in my pride:

“Satan knew that to take out Adam, all he had to do was take out Eve. It worked rather well, and he has not abandoned the basic plan ever since. Your place in the world as God’s heart for relationships is vital. All the enemy has to do to destroy people’s lives is to get them isolated, a lamb separated from the flock. He makes a woman feel like ‘What do I have to offer, really? They’re probably doing fine.’ Do not believe it for a moment. You have been sent by the Trinity on behalf of love, of relationships. Fight for them…The fellowship of Christ is messy because it, too, is opposed. And here you have an irreplaceable role to play.”


The passage couldn’t have been timelier or more correct. I had indeed isolated myself from others, minus a few. I began to feel lonely, unimportant, indifferent, and without a purpose. I felt dry. After reading that passage I realized what had happened. I took a small expectation in life that was not met, and I blamed others for it. I drew back from relationships and busied myself with work, reading, and preparation for my mission trip to India. I didn’t need people in my life to get what I wanted, or to feel meaningful. But I did, I needed those relationships.
After God revealed to me my sin, I knew I had to change. I started going to a bible study for college students, I spent more time with my parents, especially my mom. I began to hang out with my friends more and I talked to people more, even at work. My days were getting brighter, and it’s ironic but I began to see the importance of relationships. If God wanted to fill the earth with one person, he would have. But no, He filled it with many, very many.
God places people in our lives for a reason. I was reading the other day a blog on the website of a mission team in India right now. I will be doing the same things they are doing when I am in India, so I wanted to find out what those things are. I was surprised when I found out I wouldn’t be building a church, or an orphanage or a water supply system. I won’t be feeding the hungry, or healing the sick. I won’t be teaching them education but I will be spending “quality time” with orphans, lepers, and homeless citizens of New Delhi, India. For some reason I was mad, how was I going to explain to potential financial supporters that all I would be doing is building relationships with people. Just as soon as that thought came to my mind God interrupted. I felt as though He was saying, “Jordan, we have talked about this already. There is a great importance when it comes to relationships.”
God painted a picture in my mind to help me fully grasp the purpose of going to India. Who are the people I will be reaching? I will be “building relationships” with the outcasts of India; the Dalits, the orphans, the lepers, the poor. These people live in a Caste System that forces them to believe they were meant to live a life of poor quality and unimportance. The Dalits aren’t even allowed to walk on public streets, visit public areas, or talk to others out of their group. Their vocations include grave digging, picking up trash, cleaning toilets and such, you get the idea. They are to believe that the reason for their way of life is due to a great sin they committed in a previous life. Can you imagine how lonely and useless these people feel? How about orphans? They have no family, no money, and no one person to attend to their needs. They are but a number labeled to the large group of children they live with. Their needs are met, but in the masses. There is no quality time spent to grow an orphan in their individual talents, desires or strengths. What of the lepers? Lepers spend their days in colonies with other lepers, and they are not to be visited by outsiders. Once again, their sickness of leprosy is believed to be a punishment of some kind. Some of the Christian lepers are even forced to worship other gods in order to receive their daily food intake. God says that he has given us life, and life to the fullest and that is what God wants me to do. He wants me to build relationships with people not to further their understanding of education, or even life, but just to love them and better their quality of living.


My point in sharing all of this is to explain the purpose of fighting for relationships, for building them and maintaining them. God reveals himself sometimes through others, and uses people to fulfill His great master plan. So often we take for granted the relationships we have; friendships, sisterhood, brotherhood, fathers, mothers, employees. There are millions of people around the world who are forbidden the pleasures and privileges of relationships. God’s love is present when we love others. When we love people, we are showing our love to God and revealing God’s love to those who need Him. God is telling me to put down my pride, and get along with those around me, but not only get along but love them. God uses people to keep us accountable, to comfort each other, to help and support one another, and to have fun.
When people hurt you, let you down, or reject you, don’t give up. Maybe they are needing you, and just simply don’t know how to tell you. Relationships are opposed because God uses them for a great purpose, and Satan hates them. Don’t let the devil gain a foothold in your life by ruining your relationships. Forgive, and love! So, yes, we as individuals need people, and they need us! "